Anywhere, But Here
by prlrocks
Summary: All his life Ben has been abandoned, even in his nightmares.


**Title:** Anywhere, But Here  
**Beta:** thebiggestlie  
**Rating: **PG  
**Summary: **All his life Ben has been abandoned, even in his nightmares.  
**Disclaimer:** The characters? Not mine.

_Ben ran frantically through the dark forest, ducking underneath branches and straining his eyes to see through the pouring rain. He was searching. For what, he did not know, but he would only stop when he found it. _

_With that thought, he suddenly found himself in a vast sun drenched field. He and everything around him was dry. The light was bright and golden and streaming down upon a young girl, maybe six or seven years of age. She stood in the field's center. Mouth agape and eyes focused, Ben took a hesitant step forward. He felt drunk under her spell. There was an unearthly beauty about her. She was a vision; a sigh of relief. It was a moment of seeing a loved one lost, only to have them return to you as an angel. And that dress… he would know that plaid dress anywhere. She had worn it on her sixth birthday. It was his Alex, her eyes still bright with life. _

_Ben's face broke into a grin as he ran to her. It was his little girl, all ribbons and pigtails. But that warm feeling of joy didn't last long. He came to an abrupt halt when he saw her hand raised in the air signaling for him to stop. Hesitantly, he continued forward despite her warning, drawn to her eyes that were no longer his little girl's. They were cold, hard and empty. A chill went down his spin at the sight. _

_"Why did you let them kill me, Ben?"_

_Gripping his chest, Ben felt his heart bursting with dread. Nor was that voice that of his little girl. It was harsh and bitter, and the words were far too mature to fall from those lips. They were the words of the teenage daughter he had lost. _

_Trying to stay calm, Ben squatted down and looked into her inhuman eyes. She was still his Alex after all, he told himself. But when he tried to grab onto her hand, it was to his great displeasure, that she wouldn't let him. She hid her hand childishly behind her back. He tilted his head and softly smiled at her. "I tried so hard, sweetheart, but they broke the rules. I'd do anything to get you back. Don't you know that, honey?"_

_"Anything? Would you give up the island?"_

_Gritting his teeth in frustration, he gave a strained smile. "Yes. Daddy, made a mistake. He'd do anything to get you back." _

_"That's not what you said before they killed me! You said that I meant nothing to you, or did you forget that already?"_

_"No, please Alex," he insisted. "You must understand. I was just saying that so they'd let you go."_

_Little Alex stamped her foot. "You're lying! You always lied to me."_

_Suddenly, the scene changed. It was pouring again. Alex was now at the edge of the field, Danielle by her side. Gazing up at her, with a sense of devotion, Alex took her mother's hand. "I'm going with Mommy now," she called to him. "She'll protect me." _

_It was with much bitterness in his heart, that Ben watched as they both turned and walked away. It was only a few moments later, that they disappeared into the mist._

Ben woke up gasping and reaching out of into the darkness. There was nothing there, but the fading remnants of his nightmare. His body had broken out in a cold sweat and his heart still pounded. He had been dreaming of Alex again, so small, cold and horribly accusing. He'd take the most bloody death-filled dream, if he didn't have to face that vision again. Fields filled with dead coworkers; former classmates; their 'blood' on his hands; the guilt and shock in his chest; it all seemed preferable to him, at the moment. DHARMA was long gone and for the most part, he wasn't sorry for it.

Falling back onto the pillows, Ben sighed and turned over in his oversized bed. His hotel room was silent and dark. He felt so alone. Closing his eyes, he let that feeling seep into his very thoughts. His whole life, he had been so alone. His mother had left him just moments after his very first breath, and his father had resented his actual presence for it. And Annie… lovely, lovely Annie. She had died, just as his mother had. Ben's heart still ached over the fact that it had been another man's child. He ached even more over the fact that he had been unable to save her from that fate.

If anyone had ever loved him, it had been Alex. It had been a time of youth and innocence and she had adored him to no end. To her, he had just been 'Daddy.' It's why the nightmare disturbed him so. To have his little girl say those words broke his heart. She was gone now, but Ben obsessed over her ultimate fate. Did his last words forever ring out, over and over in her precious ears? Was she to eternally cry over them? Or had she had found peace out there, somewhere, by her insane mother's side? He wondered darkly which fate was worse.

Lying there in the shadows, Ben realized that Juliet was the only one left. Yes, she had abandoned him and destroyed his plans, but she had yet to leave him. At least not yet. If she had given him the chance, he would have given her the world. He would have done anything to make her happy. Men like him, rarely loved, but when they did, it was fierce and passionate. He would have devoted his life to her. He would have protected her with all his might. There was no protecting her now. She too had to face her fate, like his mother, like Annie and like his Alex.

If only she were by his side, at this very moment. She could have soothed the nightmares away. At this point, it would have been all he really asked her for. But she wasn't. He was alone and she was long gone. She had been left to languish in the one place he wanted to be, in his home and his burden. That was her fate and this was his. Ben would be here, in this hotel room, facing his nightmares,_ alone. _


End file.
